Ordering Out

My wife is so weird in some ways.

For example, she ordered Chinese food, and I’ve just picked it up.  Normally, when food arrives, the bag is ripped open, and people descend upon it.  Then they start to scarf their meals like a pack of hungry wild dogs.

Not my wife.  She continues doing whatever she was doing before the food arrived.  It’s a lot like how a cat will feign disinterest in dinner and then sneak in later to gulp down the food.

I can’t abide this behavior.  So I’ve decided to leave her alone and write this blog post about it.  Let’s see how long it takes for her to start her meal. 

Is this difference in behavior a male/female thing?  Is it because she’s from New England and I’m from New York, where we open a box of pizza, take a piece, fold it in half, and rip out a huge bite while walking away, causing painful burns on the roof of our mouths in the process?

I came home with the food at least 15 minutes ago.  She asked just now, “Do you want to eat with me in the living room?”  “Okay, sure.”   Then she walked in the opposite direction of the kitchen.

Now she’s back in my office with a fistful of papers that need to be filed.  She’s talking about hiring a new helper.

[tick, tick, tick…] Now, finally, I hear her in the kitchen, more than twenty minutes after I’ve set the Chinese food onto the table.  But still there’s no indication that food is on her mind.

It’s as if the food is a visit to the dentist, or a tax return to be filed.  Why is she avoiding it?

I’m shaking my head in total confusion.

[much time passes]

She finally sits down.  Then she abruptly gets up, “I forgot a plate for the cat.”

She sits down again.  Then, once again, she abruptly gets up, “I forgot my drink.”

She sits.  She fidgets a bit, then uses the remote to switch channels.  Commercial.  Switch.  Commercial.  Switch.  Commercial.  All this time she’s still not eating.

Finally she started to eat more than 30 minutes after I came home with the food.

M&M -- Mindful & Mad

When I eat M&Ms or other colorful candies, I like to eat all one color first. This introduces some mindfulness to the process and slows me down; otherwise I’d be shoveling a palm-load of candy every minute or so.

But the real reason I "eat-by-color" is for the aesthetic pleasure of it. A bag of regular M&Ms has too many colors, which creates some discordance. So I eat any colors that clash with the season first.

For example, this being Spring, I start with the Autumn colors Orange and Brown, which totally do not belong in Spring. This leaves Yellow, Blue, Green, Red.  This set of colors could represent Sun, Sky, Grass, Poppies.

But then I might continue with either Red and Yellow, which would leave Blue and Green for Earth Day. Or I might eat the Blue and Red next, which would leave Yellow and Green (the colors of one of the schools I attended). Or, I’d eat the Red and Green next, which would leave Blue and Yellow to show support for Ukraine.

In Autumn, I’d do the reverse, eating Blue and Green first, to leave the Autumn colors of Orange, Brown, Yellow, Red. I might also eliminate Red if I can’t stop myself.

In Winter, all but Red and Green would be eaten first. (In fact, you can buy them this way in November and December.)

Valentines Day, Easter, Flag Day and Independence Day all are difficult holidays to celebrate this way with the regular M&Ms because of the lack of White candies. But Mars puts out sets of Red, White and Pink in January and February, or Pastels in March, or Red, White and Blue in June to appease.

Do you do this? Do you have another food consumption quirk?

Picking and Biting Again

Back in September 2010 and again in January 2014 I wrote about my little habit of skin picking and skin biting.

I've started it up again.

The first photo shows the callus I've built up on my knuckle just prior to picking and biting it.  Gosh my hands look really old.

Quirky is RIght Up My Alley!

Yesterday's NaBloPoMo writing prompt was "Tell us about a quirk or odd habit that you have."  I have so many quirks and odd habits, this prompt could provide a month of posts on its own.

Let me share just one of my many quirks, which demonstrates my germophobic tendencies.

Whenever I need to pull a door open, I do not grab the handle with my entire hand.  I'm so reluctant to touch door handles that I use my pinky, or my sleeve, or (if I've just washed and dried my hands after using the bathroom) a paper towel.

I do this only in public.  At home, I don't bother, partly because most of the germs are mine or my family's, but also because my hands are usually already dirty from dog slobber, cat litter or cleaning household messes.

Would you like to know about my other quirks?

How I've Lived With Skin Picking Disorder

I've lived with Skin Picking Disorder probably for about 45 years.  It started when I was a young boy.

It would start out as a callous on the knuckle of the index finger of my left hand.  This callous would develop from a soft toy doll that I'd sleep with.  Even though the doll was soft, it had a dense seam that I enjoyed grinding my knuckle into.  Then I'd pick at and bite the callous.  Or I'd stick a pencil, pin or nail into it.  It would hurt.  It would bleed.  But I liked doing it.

Back then I was very ashamed of letting anyone see the knuckle, especially my mother.  I made sure to keep it hidden.  If I had to point, I'd use my right hand, or I point with my pinky while I kept the knuckle tucked under my thumb.

I don't have the doll anymore, but I still go through spells in which I form the callous using the inside seam of blue jeans as I sit at my computer.  I am no longer ashamed, though.  First, no one but my daughter calls attention to it.  Second, it's just what I call "Nerves," or a manifestation of anxiety from having a partly disabled wife; a gifted, eccentric daughter with massive inferiority beliefs; and a dwindling bank account due to expenses that exceed my income.

Eventually, I'll wrap a bandage around it to prevent myself from picking and biting, and it will look normal.

Here is "Nerves" for you to see:

Skin Picking Disorder -- Left Index Finger

Veganism -- A Sanctioned Eating Disorder

As the father of a teenage girl, I try to be informed and stay alert to signs of an eating disorder, especially now that our daughter has become Vegan.  She used to love bacon, lamb, London Broil and liver pate not too long ago.  And goat cheese.

Then the "fish incident" raised a red flag that something was wrong.  She started to negotiate ever smaller portions of fish, her least-favorite animal-based food.  Just before formally announcing her vegan diet, she'd typically feed half to the cats and dog and re-arrange the rest.  Her last plate of fish -- the fish incident -- caused a genuine fit of crying about the pain of the fish.

That's when I blocked peta.org from the computer.

But it wasn't until my daughter described the ever dwindling diet of her school friend KG that it occurred to me that veganism is used to disguise an eating disorder.

KG was a vegan before our daughter; she probably convinced our daughter to convert to this way of eating.  Recently, she announced her new way of even healthier eating: vegan, low-fat, without grains and legumes.  It sounded as though the girl decided to adopt the Paleo diet and yet remain vegan.

The idea that veganism is an eating disorder is certainly not new.  Do an Internet search and find many discussions on the topic.  Here's a link to get you started..  Veganism can be one of many manifestations of Orthorexia, an eating disorder where the individual refuses to eat foods perceived to be unhealthy.

I am somewhat comforted that our daughter follows the vegan lifestyle, not just the diet.  She will not buy any products made from animals or that were tested on animals.  For example, she refused to use a set of paints and paint brushes that I bought her before she went vegan.  Instead she talked my wife into buying a second "vegan" set.  It drives me crazy, but I'm still comforted to know that this compulsion is not focused solely on diet.

Dermatillomania and Dermatophagia

I have a history of minor skin picking and biting.

When I was a young boy, I would go to bed at night and then grind the knuckle of my left index finger into something hard, such as part of my lovey, the corner of the pillowcase, or a button, zipper or seam of my pajama. The knuckle quickly developed a blister, which I chewed off during the day. Then, when that formed a scab, I'd pick and bite the scab. I kept that up for years, and it got nasty-looking, so I was always embarrassed by it and tried to hide it.

I'm having a flare-up of this again. It's the same knuckle, the same urge. But now that I know that it's part of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), I'm no longer embarrassed by it. In fact, I'm almost proud of it. When my wife and daughter ask about it, I just say, "That's just noives (nerves)."

As I type this and then pause to collect my thoughts, my knuckle finds its way to the seam of my jeans, at the inside of the knee, to grind some more. I put an adhesive bandage on it this morning to prevent myself from picking at it and biting it. It's really tempting to do that now, because there's a nice thick scab there just waiting to be picked.

I thought I had outgrown this behavior after growing up. But three years ago, when my mother went into the hospital for the last time, I started it up again. After she died, I stopped bothering with it, and it quickly healed.

This current bout started at the end of August, when my father-in-law went into the hospital, also for the last time. He passed away a couple of weeks ago.

So is this behavior somehow related to death?

Do you have a similar compulsion? If so, what seems to trigger it for you?

April is Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month. There are three things about autism that most people probably are not aware of.

First is its prevalence. The latest estimate is that 1 in 150 people in the USA have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), which is also known as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD).

If you're in the fields of engineering, computer science, physics or math, the chances are even higher that you, your children, your coworkers or their children could be diagnosed with this disorder. And you should check out http://firstsigns.org/, which is dedicated to the early identification and treatment of children with developmental delays and disorders, including Autism Spectrum Disorders.

The second thing to be aware of is knowing what autism is. The diagnostic criteria for ASD in children concern development and ability in the areas of social interaction, communication and play. Please see "Diagnosis and Epidemiology of Autism Spectrum Disorders," by Lee Tidmarsh, MD, Fred R Volkmar, MD. The misconception is that all autistic children are non-verbal and catatonic. That may be true of children who are on the low end of the spectrum. But those with either "high-functioning autism" or Asperger Syndrome can be very verbal, especially when they're talking about their "special interest," such as locomotives. They are usually of average or above-average intelligence, and they sometimes come across as "little professors."

The third thing to be aware of regarding autism is that there are effective treatments. Early detection of an ASD is crucial because when interventions are tried at an early age (say at 3 to 5 years of age), they are even more effective than when tried later on.

I should point out that most of those who have an ASD and who can communicate say that they don't want to be cured; they just want to be accepted. Thus, it's not they who have the problem, it is society. Nevertheless, interventions can make things easier for children and the autistic adults they grow in to.

What kinds of interventions can reduce the symptoms of an ASD? A change in diet -- avoiding wheat and dairy products (the Gluten-Free Caisen-Free GFCF diet), for example, or avoiding chemical additives (the Feingold diet) -- can help. (The GFCF diet helps those with Leaky Gut Syndrome, which can manifest as symptoms of ASD.) Another effective, diet-related approach is supplementation with mega doses of vitamin B6, or its active co-enzyme, P5P. Play therapy or Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) has been proven to help. In some cases, mercury detoxification may help. There are many more interventions for a parent to choose from. Then there are interventions aimed at easing the secondary symptoms that accompany ASD such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Depression.

Scientists can spend entire careers looking for signs of intelligent life in the Universe. Meanwhile, medical researchers have overlooked signs of intelligence in people with autism. They assume that people who can't talk and who respond differently to stimuli must be lacking in intelligence.

If you don't believe me, consider the amazing website, Getting the Truth Out, which was originally written in response to an objectionable Autism Awareness fundraising campaign called "Getting the Word Out." Be sure to follow the presentation completely to the end -- it may take about 45 minutes to get through it all.

If you suspect that you or a loved one is struggling with an ASD, visit the Online Asperger Syndrome Information & Support (OASIS). (Asperger Syndrome is an ASD, and is sometimes referred to as High-Functioning Autism.) As its name suggests, you can get a great deal of information from the site. You can find most of the support by clicking on the Message Boards menu choice and registering for the "OASIS: Asperger Syndrome Forum".

When most people know the facts about autism, policymakers can no longer ignore the issue. Lawmakers can force health insurance providers to cover the costs of treatments. More money could be made available to schools to fund better special education programs and to keep up with "No Child Left Behind" mandates. And parents and caregivers can have children evaluated earlier.

Follow the links. Do the research. Spread the word.

Online Support Groups -- Hoarding

There are great self-help resources on the Internet. The online Hoarding support group I belong to is a great example.

When I heard about this support group, I was intrigued.

I took the Rating Scale that I found on the Compulsive Hoarding Website. I scored high enough to meet the criteria, and that's considering how my wife tends to throw out lots of stuff fairly regularly.

So I sent an e-mail request for more information in August of 2006. I got an invitation to apply to the OC Foundation's flagship online self-help group, Hoarding-Cluttering at the end of February. (There is a limit of 103 active members, so I had to wait for a spot to open.) My application was accepted and approved on March 2, 2007, nearly one year ago.

Some of the items I was hoarding at the time included:

• Broken or unneeded appliances, as well as their manuals and the boxes they came in.
• Paper documents, particularly anything with financial or personal information.
• My daughter's writings and drawings. The clothes, toys & books that she's out-grown.
• Magazines.
• Outdated books that I have no use for.
• E-mail.
• AOL CDs, even though I've no intention of joining.
• Plastic bottles, such as 1 gallon jugs for water and cat litter.
• Hazardous waste, such as motor oil, paint thinner, fluorescent bulbs, non-alkaline batteries. (I do bring them to the annual collection if they start to accumulate too much.)

What kind of progress have I made in a year? Well,

• I still don't like to throw out broken appliances. But if my wife does, I no longer pull them out of the trash. I do get rid of the boxes, now.
• I've decided to discard paid invoices that are more than a year old. Due to privacy concerns, I burn these along with the junk mail offers for credit and mortgage refinancing.
• I now scan or take pictures of our daughter's artwork, and even some of her toys. I can then let go of the actual items a lot more easily. Still, my wife is the one that has to discard or donate the items. But I'm eager to get rid of certain old clothes -- the closets are full of the stuff!
• I canceled most magazine subscriptions. I bring to work or recycle the ones I still get, even if I don't think I've read them fully.
• I donated a few books and CDs to the library. I had more CDs slated to go, but my wife exhibited a rare bout of role reversal and removed them from the discard pile. She claimed that our daughter would use the CDs for dancing.
• As for e-mail, I decided it wasn't worth wasting time over. Disk capacity is cheap and plentiful. It's not a problem for me if I have 831 unread messages (957 total) in my Inbox. I do have auto-archiving set.
• I haven't been getting AOL CDs lately. I've used them all for coasters, except two that I hung next to the house to deter a woodpecker from knocking holes in our home's siding.
• I gave many plastic bottles to someone who was designing and making his own robot costume.
• I collect a lot less hazardous waste. I now use all water-based paint, even primer, so I don't need paint thinner. I no longer change my cars' oil by myself. So the occasional watch battery and flourescent light don't take up much room.

So I feel good about the progress I made. But I do have major challenges ahead in the basement, the garage, and both the home office and work office.