Mood Enhancers

Last year I struggled with forgetfulness, fatigue, brain fog and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.  I got in quickly for a neuropsychological exam, which resulted in a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and ruled out any kind of cognitive decline.

I had already been taking Nuvigil and had been using a CPAP machine to reduce the number of apnea events I’d have every night.  But that wasn’t enough.  So I started Effexor¹ and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)².

About six months later I noticed that the sense of hopelessness was gone, and my mood was much improved.  Why?  Was it just the Effexor?  Was CBT helping?  Was there something else that I did to bring about change?

I decided to make a list of all interventions:

• Mindfulness – Staying in the Moment
• Caring for Pets
• Tending to Houseplants
• SAD Therapy Light, which I call my happy light.
• Avoiding Refined Carbs
• Keeping a Gratitude Jar
• Smiling
• Walks in Nature
• Crisp breeze on my face on a sunny winter day
• Listening to Uplifting Music
• Metallica for a shot of high energy
• “Mood Improve” Probiotic
• Medications, such as Effexor and Nuvigil
• Being creative
• Keeping to a Regular Sleep Schedule and Rising Without an Alarm
• Walking and standing with a perfect posture
• Ice Crystals on a frosty or snow-covered lawn
• Community Support, including Online Groups³

Look for more information on some of these items in upcoming posts.

At first I discounted the role that CBT had in my improvement.  But it turns out that CBT was responsible for a few of the items on this list, especially Mindfulness and the other living-in-the-moment experiences listed above.  In fact, there even is a Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy⁴.

On the other hand, I usually experience good mood in Late Winter and Early Spring.  It’s very possible that my improvement is due to seasonal changes.  Now that we’re beyond Summer Solstice, I’ll be able to test this idea.

What do you do to improve mood?

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¹https://medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a694020.html

²https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

³Such as https://mysupportforums.org

⁴https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness-based_cognitive_therapy

2025-11-07 Remove extraneous bracket and tab infront of Metalica. Add ",which I call my happy light."

M&M -- Mindful & Mad

When I eat M&Ms or other colorful candies, I like to eat all one color first. This introduces some mindfulness to the process and slows me down; otherwise I’d be shoveling a palm-load of candy every minute or so.

But the real reason I "eat-by-color" is for the aesthetic pleasure of it. A bag of regular M&Ms has too many colors, which creates some discordance. So I eat any colors that clash with the season first.

For example, this being Spring, I start with the Autumn colors Orange and Brown, which totally do not belong in Spring. This leaves Yellow, Blue, Green, Red.  This set of colors could represent Sun, Sky, Grass, Poppies.

But then I might continue with either Red and Yellow, which would leave Blue and Green for Earth Day. Or I might eat the Blue and Red next, which would leave Yellow and Green (the colors of one of the schools I attended). Or, I’d eat the Red and Green next, which would leave Blue and Yellow to show support for Ukraine.

In Autumn, I’d do the reverse, eating Blue and Green first, to leave the Autumn colors of Orange, Brown, Yellow, Red. I might also eliminate Red if I can’t stop myself.

In Winter, all but Red and Green would be eaten first. (In fact, you can buy them this way in November and December.)

Valentines Day, Easter, Flag Day and Independence Day all are difficult holidays to celebrate this way with the regular M&Ms because of the lack of White candies. But Mars puts out sets of Red, White and Pink in January and February, or Pastels in March, or Red, White and Blue in June to appease.

Do you do this? Do you have another food consumption quirk?

Smart Dog

My wife and I were making the grocery list.

“We need more canned salmon.  I’ve been eating it, lately,” said my wife.

“Oh, do you make it like tuna salad?”

“No, I just eat it out of the can.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised.  “But it has bones in it!  Do you eat the bones?”

“Yes, I just mash them up, first.”

“Good.  They’re a good source of calcium,” I stated.

Suddenly our dog excitedly ran into the kitchen.  “What’s up with him?” asked my wife.

I smiled when I realized.  He heard us talking about bones.

Smart dog.

#NaBloPoMo2019

A Mindfulness Diary for the Alzheimer's Patient

I’ve become increasingly concerned about the cognitive decline I’ve been experiencing. Could it be a symptom of sleep apnea or another sleep disorder? Is it related to depression? Am I getting Alzheimer's?

I decided to start tracking episodes of “mindlessness.” I thought to use a weekly planner as a medical journal. I envisioned a planner in which the user / patient could select a symptom and rate its severity. But I saw only regular planners in bookstores. So I searched online for “journal diary for alzheimers patients.” Amazingly nothing related to a downloadable diary showed up. So I decided to create my own.

I found a really nice weekly planner template written in Excel by SmartSheet. I downloaded it, saved it with LibreOffice Calc and modified it in two distinct ways.

First I improved the date calculations. Now the starting date for each week is derived from a global starting date and the sheet name. Thus a new week can be added just by copying an existing sheet to a new sheet and changing the sheet name. The original template contained only five weeks of content; it was necessary to edit the start date on each new worksheet. So adding new weeks was tedious without redesigning the date calculation.

Second, I changed the layout of the page to a two-column format and gave each day the same amount of space. The TASKS and NOTES sections have been moved to the bottom, and TASKS was repurposed into two sections: CATEGORY and SEVERITY. The content in these new sections comes from a non-calendar worksheet, called SourceLists, to allow for easy changes to the lists that appear on all weeks.

Cells A1 through A10 on SourceLists contain the ten categories of symptoms. You can change the text in them and/or blank a few out. The severities are 0 (for no problem), 9 for highest functioning, and -9 for lowest functioning. Originally, I had 0 through 9 to represent symptoms from lowest to highest. But then I realized that I’d like to record good episodes, and a positive number seemed appropriate to represent this condition.  The idea is to jot down a Severity/Category code followed by a brief note.  For example, yesterday I had "-1A: I momentarily forgot that I was driving JC home after I got gas."  The "-1A" code is short for a very slight / brief memory impairment.  Having codes like this can make it easy to use a statistics program (such as R) to chart trends and to correlate with other sets of data.

I found the original list of symptoms in the Alzheimer’s Symptom Diary. I tailored the list to my needs and limited the number to ten to fit the available space.

Here's a link to the PDF document that I'm currently using.  Let me know if you're interested in seeing the spreadsheet source document.  I'm not publishing it out of deference to SmartSheet.  Someone put a lot of effort into designing that template, and I don't wish to subvert their business model by publishing a derivative work.

Virtual Walk Through Muir Woods

Check out this virtual walk through the woods to "tap into a deeper sense of purpose and well-being with the first VR meditation of its kind—A 360 guided mindfulness practice through Muir Woods National Monument."

Chanting for World Peace and Happiness

If you've ever thought about praying for world peace or happiness, today of all days would be a good day to start.

Below is a link to a page with videos that describe one Buddhist practice of chanting.

Please try it.  Or pray in your own way.  Everyone's contribution counts!

http://www.sgi-usa.org/memberresources/beginnersresources/howtochant.php

The Importance of Deadlines

To all of you participating in NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo this month, this quote is for you:

The biggest thing separating people from their artistic ambitions is not a lack of talent. It's the lack of a deadline. Give someone an enormous task, a supportive community, and a friendly-yet-firm due date, and miracles will happen every time.

- Chris Baty
Founder of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)
in "No Plot? No Problem!", page 19

Experiment 2 -- E-Squared

I'm trying the second experiment in Pam Grout's E-Squared first.  (I know, "Try not!  Do you must!")  She calls it "The Volkswagon Jetta Principle" because..., oh it doesn't matter.

During the first 24 hours of the experiment, I'm supposed to count how many green cars I see.  (Well first she writes "green cars."  But then she changes the color to sunset-beige.  But I don't know what sunset-beige looks like, so I decided to stick with green.  Besides, it's my favorite color.)

The first 24 hours began at midnight on Thursday, July 23.  I saw zero green cars.  I think I was supposed to see a surprisingly large number.  Nope, not me.  Well, to be fair, I saw three motor vehicles that were green.  One was a pickup truck.  I guess that counts as a car.  The other two were the cabs from much larger trucks.  I discounted those vague putty-like colors that, if the car were parked on a lawn, it would suggest green.

During the second 24 hours, I'm supposed to count butterflies and/or purple feathers¹.  In the text she specifies yellow butterflies.  And then she suggests purple feathers instead.  Finally she leaves it to the reader to choose.  Seeing how dismal the first half of the experiment went, I figured I'd count any butterfly plus purple feathers.  And even when I read "purple feather" I knew I'd have at least one to count -- I have one in my office.  As well, I have a (dead) butterfly in my office.  So far, that's all I've seen all day.  And this is Summer -- there are supposed to be butterflies all over the place!  I'm even looking closely at artwork and product packaging.

So, one green "car," one non-yellow butterfly and one purple feature, um, I mean feather.

But now I wonder if this dismal outcome is a success in some twisted way.  I don't really believe in the so-called law of attraction, made popular by Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret".  For example, if it were real, a lot more guys would be having a lot more sex, for starters, because that's what most guys think about most of the time.  So my underlying expectation is to be totally underwhelmed by the results.  And so far, my expectation is being met really well.

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¹ Every time I try to type "feather" I end up typing "feature" and I think the "FP" is trying to alter the request. After all, there are a lot more purple features than there are purple feathers.

Mindful Peeing

Mindful Peeing (mahynd-fuh pee-ing) -- the practice of being fully present and aware while urinating.
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Of all the things I could chose to be mindful about, peeing is my number one focus right now.  Why?

One recurring, central theme in my dreams is the act of peeing in an inappropriate place or in a bathroom in which the urinals are unusual, odd, bizarre or extremely broken.  I usually don't report them here very often.

My goal is to always become mindful when I have the urge to pee and while I pee.  Then if I have another dream in which I pee, I can easily induce a state of lucidity.

Besides, I've nearly given up being mindful at all times.  I hoping that I can achieve this goal of mindfulness during the few moments that I take the time to pee.

Pam Grout's Red Pill Corollary

I just finished reading Pam Grout's E-Cubed, which features ten "experiments" on the law of attraction, a subject I view with much skepticism.

I tried the "Red Pill Corollary" first.  In this experiment, the reader attempts to encounter eight items, which are listed at the link.  I'd been hearing the belly laughs (the first item) while reading that section of the book, because my daughter had a friend over for a social visit.  So I wondered if it might actually work this time.

The number 222 came a bit unexpectedly.  I was supposed to drive my daughter to another friends house so that she would arrive at 2pm.  But we were running late, about 20 minutes late.  So I wondered if we might arrive at the house at 2:22pm.  But alas, we were still on the road at 2:21 and still several minutes away.  So I figured I'd look again at the clock in another minute.  But the next time I looked, the clock was at 2:23pm.  So I missed it.  But after I dropped off my daughter and while I was driving back home, I glanced at the side of the road right at a sign for house number 222, which I just happened to be driving by.  I enjoyed that little twist of fate from The Universe.

Unfortunately, the other six items were not to be discovered.  Well, technically I suppose the billboards I saw had messages for me -- they're designed to have messages for everyone.  But the messages I saw did not seem directed at me, as the author's text implies.

I suppose there was a smiling baby on at least one of the Christmas cards we received, and if I wanted to, I could've looked through them again to find it.  But I don't think this experiment is supposed to work that way.

But anyway, the other items never showed up.  I'm sure they'll show up for some people, just based on probability.  And nearly everyone will see a few items, as I did.  But we probably won't bother to report our failures.  However, those who saw all eight items probably will report their successes.  And so, the experiment will appear to be a success, en masse.

How to Maintain Brain Function

The current issue of Neurology Now magazine includes an article on how to maintain cognitive function.  "Staying Sharp: What you do during your free time could help save your brain" lists the following "brain-boosting activities":

• Learn A Second Language
• Become A Social Butterfly
• Play Music
• Exercise

The article also claims that heart-protective measures may also protect the brain.  For example, it recommends:

• Don't smoke.
• Sleep 7–8 hours a night.
• Keep your blood pressure and cholesterol levels in check.
• Eat a low-fat, healthy diet.
• Get plenty of exercise.
• Maintain a healthy weight.
• Limit alcohol consumption.
• Get blood sugar levels (and diabetes, if you have it) under control.

Yes, cholesterol is still a villain, despite assertions from both cardiologists and neurologists that high blood sugar causes damage, and it's the cholesterol that aids in the repair of that damage.

The biggest payoff is to stimulate your intellect while elevating your blood flow.  Learn to dance or practice martial arts for example.  I try to meditate while I walk, or walk mindfully.

Mindfulness Challenge Day 1

I signed up for a "7-Day Mindfulness Challenge" last week.  Today is Day 1. Here it is:

Every time you pass through a door direct your attention to the present for a moment.

You can find the entire challenge here.

The Measure of Time

We measure large expanses of time with milestones.  You might have the time Before Graduation and the time After Graduation.  If you're married, you'll have Before Marriage and After Marriage.  Some of us refer to the time When My Parents Were Alive.  A few might recall events Before the Accident or Illness.

This gives us an experiential basis for remembering events.  It's how our species must've remembered events before inventing a device to divide time into various (and arbitrary) periodic intervals.

I've started to use milestones for shorter intervals of time, too.  I buy cat food approximately once per month (for dry food) or once every three weeks (for canned wet food).  So I might wonder how old a package of cheese is based on how many cans of unopened cat food are left in the cabinet.  I perform other activities monthly, such as paying bills.  But bill paying lacks the total change of setting that buying the cat food has, so it's of little use as a frame of reference.

Weekends are great milestones.  They represent a time when I do not go to work.  But they tend to blur together, so there are only two meaningful weekend intervals for me: Before Last Weekend and Since Last Weekend.

I've grown fond of an elegant (and free) Android app called Bodhi Timer, which was designed as a timer for meditation.  The idea is that you set it so that it chimes nicely at the end of your meditation.  But it also has a "restartable mode" enabling it to chime at intervals, too.  I like to use the timer to keep track of time during my morning routine.  I'll set it to chime at intervals of ten, fifteen or even twenty minutes.  Shorter times are good for those mornings when I'm especially distracted.  When I hear the chime, I reassess what I'm doing.  If I'm getting ready for work, that's good.  If I standing still listening to a radio program, well....

And another app that I keep running constantly is called Chime Time, which chimes like a grandfather clock hourly and once every half hour, too.  I seem to respond much better to auditory prompts than to visual ones, so this method of marking time suits me.  Chime Time is also free, but you can purchase alternate clock sounds as add-ons.

What are some milestones that you use to measure time?

Exercises For Your Brain

As an engineer, I rely on my brain just as much as Aretha Franklin relies on her voice.  So it behooves me to not only keep my brain in good shape, but also to improve it if I can.

That's why I signed up for Lumosity.  The games on Lumosity are actually exercises designed to stimulate and improve one's brain.  To paraphrase from their website, the games on Lumosity "improve key abilities such as working memory, visual attention, and executive function in people of different ages and from different backgrounds."

Here are screenshots of my "Brain Performance Index" and "Training History"...

Mindless Games

At first I thought to title this "Mind Games."  But that phrase has negative connotations of manipulating another person.  In my case, there's no other person.  And it's not so much manipulation as it is boredom management.

The gist is that when I do something that requires little thought, my mind plays games.

For example, when I take my lunch time walk, my mind will seize upon a thought or idea and chew upon it as if were a wad of gum.  When I visit the local cemeteries, I'll read off the names on the markers as would a school teacher calling out names for attendance.  The teacher is invariably an annoyed, bored and insensitive middle-school gym teacher, one who likes to crack jokes and one for whom English was not his best subject.

"Stein" "Gladstone" "Cohen" "Ginsberg" "Fleiss"  "What the hell is this, a synagogue?  You guys wanna send out for some bagels or sumthin?"  I've had gym teachers like that, actually.

Cleaning out the litter boxes, I'll be entertained by various scenes from "The Karate Kid."  It probably started by associating the drudgery with all those chores that Danny had to do in exchange for learning karate, such as waxing cars (wax on, wax off), painting the fence, and scrubbing the deck.  But now, arbitrary scenes from the movie (and its successor) effortlessly pop into my head.

Does your mind do this, too?  What chores are most likely to get your mind chewing gum?  What do you think about?

Free 21-Day Online Meditation

Today is Day 1 of yet another 21-Day Meditation Challenge.

"Miraculous Relationships is a 3-week meditation journey to the heart of true love . . . Oprah and Deepak share wisdom, easy to apply lessons, and powerful guided meditations on a new subject each day. Receive tools and insight to help you discover the wonder that exists within. Join us, and watch all of your relationships unfold effortlessly, easily and miraculously.

Here is the link to sign up if you're interested: https://chopracentermeditation.com/users/register

Distractions in my Day-to-Day Routine

[Written two and a half years ago for a course on Concentration]

For this assignment, take stock of your day to day routine. In doing so, jot down what your routine is on most days. Then think about what type of distractions you often encounter. Write your list of distractions and come up with ways that you can try to address them. Submit your list and of distractions and possible ways you can address them to the instructor.

My typical week day involves getting ready for work at home, driving to work, working, driving back home, ending the day at home.

When I'm at home, I'm distracted by

1. The needs of my wife and daughter. Even if they don't interrupt, I expect them to, so I don't get deeply involved in any activity until they're out of the house or in bed. I get our daughter ready to school. Even though she's a teenager, I want to be involved. Otherwise she'll probably make herself a breakfast of three Hershey Kisses and go out into 30F weather wearing just a flimsy sweatshirt and jeans. I can make my own breakfast while making something for our daughter. I can find out if things are going well for her at school during breakfast or while waiting with her at the bus stop.
2. The cuteness of our pets (or the damage they do). I'm either fawning over our cats, or cleaning up after them. Sometimes I take a quick break to pet one of them. Or I protect my meal from the fat one who's always hungry. Once in a while I'll take out the camera to take a picture, even if it will make me late for work. When I take the dog outside, he wants to play outside for a while. When I'm outside with the dog, I can let him roll around on the ground while I pick up branches from the lawn or get the newspaper. I want him to be happy. He's a good dog, and he's getting old, so I'm willing to spend time with him. I can keep the hungry cat away from our meals by spraying him with a water bottle. I do some pet photography as a hobby, and this year's Christmas card resulted from taking a picture of a cat that posed under the tree. So even though I'm distracted, I can make something good come from it.
3. Things that are out-of-place and need picking up or straightening. I'll walk from the bathroom to the kitchen and notice a candy wrapper on the living room floor. Or I'll go into the laundry room (which doubles as an overflow pantry) to get more tea and notice that the clothes need to be transferred into the dryer. So I'll do that and forget about the tea. I'm trying to condition our daughter to pick up things that are out-of-place. When I do notice a chore that needs completing, I can ignore it if it's not an emergency.
4. A news story on the radio. I can't seem to listen to the radio while doing something. So if there's something I want to hear, I usually stop what I'm doing to listen. I can turn the radio on just for the five minutes of important news I need and then turn it off when it's over. I don't need to listen to the banter and trivia.
5. Thoughts. I always have an inner dialog (or music) going on in my head. I'm meditating more and trying to stay mindful.

While driving, I can be distracted by

1. Scenery. I love nature and photography, and I drive through a rural area alongside a river. I can drive slowly when there isn't much traffic and still take in some scenery.
2. Radio. Since I'm a visual thinker, it can be dangerous for me to listen to music or talk radio while driving in heavy traffic. I can drive slowly when there isn't much traffic and enjoy the radio. When driving in traffic or on unfamiliar roads, I turn off the radio.
3. Passengers. This is the same as having the radio on. But I can't turn them off. I don't respond to passengers when driving in traffic or on unfamiliar roads.
4. Thoughts (particularly what I have planned for the day). Again, I drive slowly. But I find that the process of driving a normal speed keeps me from thinking, and I focus better on driving.

At work, distractions include:

1. E-mail. I tend to keep the e-mail client open and check it whenever I get a new message notification. When I need to focus, I do close the e-mail client.
2. Phone calls. When I really need to focus, I unplug the phone. Activating the "Do Not Disturb" function doesn't help -- it still beeps to indicate that someone is trying to call.
3. In-person interruptions. I'm one of those folks that seems to know a lot about everything, so when a "new guy" is stymied, he'll come to me. I can ask him to come back later, or promise that I'll get back to him within 15 minutes, which can give me enough time to reach a good breaking point in my work. Sometimes just a look of intensity can dissuade someone from interrupting. This does not work for the boss, though.
4. Noisy co-workers. The guy next to me not only talks loud on the phone, but he uses speaker phone, too. Earplugs, headphones?
5. "What if" thoughts (work related). The work I do often involves solving problems. Sometimes I'll come up with an idea for a problem that I'm not currently working on. Or I'll learn about a new tool that might be helpful later. Rather than stop my current task to explore the new idea or tool, I'll use my new capture tool to record a brief note about the thought and then return to my task.
6. Thoughts (not related to work). There's a lot going on in my personal life: family & pet issues, volunteer activities, car and home maintenance, finances. I can use the capture tool to record notes about these thoughts, too, so that I can let go of them more easily.
7. Muscle stiffness and other physical discomfort. Some days I just can't seem to sit because my legs ache. Also, I've found if I don't eat well, I'll feel gnawing hunger pains or experience dizziness. If I eat too much or the wrong foods, I can feel bloated or foggy. I can stick to my diet and avoid empty foods or those that I can't tolerate. I can get plenty of sleep the night before and take breaks to walk and drink water. I can do office yoga.

Stay in Balance

Every year as Thanksgiving approaches, I recall the "Allan incident."

Allan was someone I worked with more than twenty years ago.  He was the ultimate miser, the one for whom the "gluing a coin to the floor" practical joke was intended.  Allan would pry the coin off the floor. He would run out of gas going out of his way to find the cheapest gas station.

I didn't actually work with him, though.  He and I worked for the same small company, and he was in a different department.  At the time of the incident, the company was growing and starting to prosper.  One November it wanted to reward us for the hard work we did in earlier years when we were working overtime without pay and sometimes dealing with bounced paychecks.  So the company bought and distributed frozen turkeys to all of us.

It was a nice gesture, and even though I was vegetarian at the time, I accepted it and gave it to my brother and sister-in-law.  Allan, on the other hand, was indignant and refused the turkey because it wasn't kosher.  To mollify him, the company gave him $15 in exchange for the turkey.

John the machinist heard about this, and he knew how cheap Allan was.  So he decided to have some fun at his expense.

"Hey Allan," John called.  "I heard you don't want your turkey.  I'll give you twenty bucks for it."

Allan's eyes lit up at the thought of making a profit on the formerly disagreeable turkey.  I didn't witness the outcome, but I heard he tried to buy back his turkey in order to flip it to gain $5.

This is a true story even if the main character is larger than life.  And there are distasteful aspects of humanity demonstrated here: Allan's ingratitude and greed.  And John was reprehensible too, although perhaps he thought he would teach Allan a lesson.  It's certainly not a nice story for the season.  But hopefully at least one Allan-like person might read this and be motivated to improve.  After all, John easily manipulated Allan, pushed him off balance.

Do all of us, in fact, have a little bit of Allan inside?  Maybe it's not money that motivates us.  Maybe it's food, fame, love (or sex), or an overwhelming need to help someone.  Whatever it is, know that the Johns of the world can use it to push us off balance.

Stay in Balance

Resources for "Your Brain at Work"

Here are links to online resources that are cited in "Your Brain at Work," by David Rock.

For research behind the book: http://www.your-brain-at-work.com/

Neuroscience of leadership: http://www.neuroleadership.org/

Information on brain-based coaching programs: www.ResultsCoaches.com

School for children K - 5: www.TheBlueSchool.org

Online tests and training exercises: www.MyBrainSolutions.com

Author's website: www.DavidRock.net

More Thoughts on Diet Cheats

This is a follow-on post to Is This Treat Worth Going Off My Diet For?

First, I did not succumb to eating the ice cream.

Mainly, though, I forgot to describe the correct way to cheat on a diet.  The previous post described a mindful thought process you can use to decide whether to cheat.  But then there's the actual cheat itself.  The way you eat or drink that treat is important.  If you just grab that container of cookies or ice cream and absent-mindedly shovel stuff into your mouth, you've wasted the encounter.

Instead, pretend that the treat is a dear friend who lives far away.  You haven't seen her in a long time and have only a short amount of time to spend with her.  The two of you sit together in a quiet spot.  Cell phones, TV, radio and computer are all turned off.  The answering machine is on to handle any calls that might come in on the land line.  The dog is in the kennel, and the cats are all asleep.  All of this is so that you and your friend can give each other the undivided attention the friendship deserves.

This is how you cheat -- mindfully and respectfully.