Social Security and Ponzi Scheme -- a Comparison

To the uninitiated, the United States' Social Security plan may seem like one massive Ponzi scheme. But that's a mistake for many reasons.

First, Ponzi schemes are clearly acts of fraud, while Social Security, which is run by the US government (which enacts federal laws and therefore cannot possibly do anything shady) is, by definition, legitimate.

Second, Ponzi schemes generally pay incredibly high rates of return in very short time periods. However, the returns from Social Security are modest, and they take decades to accrue and mature.

Third, in a Ponzi scheme, participants are given the option to pay into the system, and they may withdraw at any time and keep the profit. On the other hand, every working citizen of the USA is required to pay into the Social Security fund. If a citizen were to attempt to withdraw funds before a certain ripe old age, that investor will forfeit any return on his or her initial investment.

So dear readers, I hope you can see that the United States' Social Security plan differs markedly from a Ponzi scheme because it is legitimate, offers lower rate of return over a much longer term and is mandatory.

How to Blog Daily

The forums on NaBloWriMo are filled with ideas for blog posts. Apparently, a lot of folks find it difficult to come up with topics to blog about.

Not me. Hundreds of ideas are already clamoring for attention inside my puny brain. The ultimate challenge for me (aside from being entertaining) will be to find enough time to do all this typing and posting.

So in case any of my fellow bloggers are like me and have more ideas than time, I will aid them with a list of ideas for blog time:

1. Eliminate Exercise. If you haven't already stopped going to the gym or given up your lunchtime walking routines, you're not really serious about blogging. You should remain rooted in front of your computer until your buttock cheeks go completely numb. Tell yourself that you'll start exercising again on Dec 1.

2. Sleep Fewer Hours. Many people make the mistake of reducing their sleep time in timid increments like 20 minutes or so. Well, the average sleep cycle is more like 90 minutes. So by shorting your sleep time by a mere 20 minutes, you shorten your last sleep cycle to 70 minutes. This leaves you feeling worse than a zombie. What you need to do is boldy carve out huge chunks of time from your sleep. Start with 90 minutes right away and completely eliminate that last sleep cycle. You'll actually feel surprisingly refreshed. And if you don't, well, that's why coffee was invented.

3. Use Work/Classroom Time. If you're a student or have a desk job, there's no good reason why you can't blog during at least half your school/work day. In most places I worked, it didn't matter what you did as long as you looked busy. When your boss sees you clattering busily at your keyboard for the sake of your blog, he'll be glad that you're on his or her team. Just remember, ALT-TAB is a quick way to switch between applications, such as Excel and Firefox.

4. Give Mindfulness a Rest. Does anyone really pay attention to what he or she is doing anymore? Judging from how often our bread, tomatoes and eggs end up at the bottom of our grocery bags week after week, I'd say most people have mastered the art of mindlessness. You should too. Spend every waking moment thinking about your blog. Instead of paying attention while fixing breakfast, brushing your teeth or driving to work, focus your mind on your next blog post. Yes, you might end up putting the cereal back into the 'fridge and the milk into the cupboard, but that's the price we geniuses have to pay for, uh, being geniuses. Did you know that I once almost lost our car and that my shaving brush managed to hide itself right before my very eyes? These experiences are the ultimate proof how a finely honed a mind can be.

5. Give Up Grooming. Speaking of shaving, stop! Beards are in these days. They're the new black. Even my mother-in-law has one. And ladies, it's getting cold in the northern hemisphere, and you can spend the rest of November wearing jeans, slacks and even ski pants in order to hide your leg hair. And how much time do we waste in the shower? When I was a kid, I'd get a bath once a week whether I needed one or not. Some people find a lack of personal hygiene to be off-putting. In that case, they'll leave you alone, and you'll have more time alone to blog. "Ostracized" isn't a four-letter word, you know!

6. Stop Calling Your Mother. How much time do we spend calling friends, loved ones, even our mothers? That's precious time we could be blogging. Now I know mom was always there when we needed her to kiss that bruised knee, nurse us with homemade chicken soup when we were sick, type our thesis project the night before it was due. But she also made you eat liver and Lima beans, forced you to go to Church or Synagogue each week, and glared at you fiercely if you even grimaced when Auntie Mildred pinched your cheek. So I say, paybacks are a beach, mom. Lose the number, will you? Oh, and my laundry needs doing, okay?

So I've just given you six great ways to make more time for blogging. Try not to think of how much you could've written had you not wasted your time reading this! Get that blog fired up now!

Are You Miserable? You Need This!

I love this parody of the Zoloft commercial. I can't embed it, so please click on the link to watch it:

Miserable Ovoid Creature, by Ian Wood.

Hope you like it!

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2011-07-23: Edited to change link from http://www.astonishedhead.com/images/OVOID_123.swf

When Enough is Enough

In her latest blog entry, Jenny Ryan describes how she finally came to accept that she has Enough.

Not that she reached a breaking point, like, "I've had enough poopy humor for today!" Rather, Enough, as in "I'm happy with what I've achieved, and I no longer need to strive for more money or power, or storage space to be fulfilled."

Yes, the major religions generally say we should rid ourselves of worldly desires. But they don't tell you what to do after that, do they? It's easy for them to pontificate, from within their temples / monasteries, about being satisfied with Nothing. No one expects much from them, do they?

For example, they don't have spouses whose favorite past-time is spending 10% more of your income. Nor do they have a robustly entrepreneurial uncle who keeps insisting that you start a real estate business on the side. Or colleagues whose monthly publications sport such titles as "Efficiency Improvements in Planetary Synthesis," "Differential Humanoid Outcomes From Dust, Silica, and Humus," and "Novel Techniques in the Enticement of Forbidden Fruit."

I guess our religion founders have figured that no one's ever gonna get to the point of having Enough.

I've not achieved what Ms. Ryan has achieved. I've gone beyond it. I've got Too Much. I hope I don't have to go out and buy a high definition TV at the end of the year just so that my wife can sit in front of it and complain about the news. I'm already dreading the next computer upgrade and wonder if there's a way I can post to my blog by sending the entry in a hand-written letter to Blogspot.

What should I do? Maybe I should start watching commercial television again. I bet that will ignite the fires of consumerism in me.