Monday, November 2, 2009

How to Blog Daily

The forums on NaBloWriMo are filled with ideas for blog posts. Apparently, a lot of folks find it difficult to come up with topics to blog about.

Not me. Hundreds of ideas are already clamoring for attention inside my puny brain. The ultimate challenge for me (aside from being entertaining) will be to find enough time to do all this typing and posting.

So in case any of my fellow bloggers are like me and have more ideas than time, I will aid them with a list of ideas for blog time:

1. Eliminate Exercise. If you haven't already stopped going to the gym or given up your lunchtime walking routines, you're not really serious about blogging. You should remain rooted in front of your computer until your buttock cheeks go completely numb. Tell yourself that you'll start exercising again on Dec 1.

2. Sleep Fewer Hours. Many people make the mistake of reducing their sleep time in timid increments like 20 minutes or so. Well, the average sleep cycle is more like 90 minutes. So by shorting your sleep time by a mere 20 minutes, you shorten your last sleep cycle to 70 minutes. This leaves you feeling worse than a zombie. What you need to do is boldy carve out huge chunks of time from your sleep. Start with 90 minutes right away and completely eliminate that last sleep cycle. You'll actually feel surprisingly refreshed. And if you don't, well, that's why coffee was invented.

3. Use Work/Classroom Time. If you're a student or have a desk job, there's no good reason why you can't blog during at least half your school/work day. In most places I worked, it didn't matter what you did as long as you looked busy. When your boss sees you clattering busily at your keyboard for the sake of your blog, he'll be glad that you're on his or her team. Just remember, ALT-TAB is a quick way to switch between applications, such as Excel and Firefox.

4. Give Mindfulness a Rest. Does anyone really pay attention to what he or she is doing anymore? Judging from how often our bread, tomatoes and eggs end up at the bottom of our grocery bags week after week, I'd say most people have mastered the art of mindlessness. You should too. Spend every waking moment thinking about your blog. Instead of paying attention while fixing breakfast, brushing your teeth or driving to work, focus your mind on your next blog post. Yes, you might end up putting the cereal back into the 'fridge and the milk into the cupboard, but that's the price we geniuses have to pay for, uh, being geniuses. Did you know that I once almost lost our car and that my shaving brush managed to hide itself right before my very eyes? These experiences are the ultimate proof how a finely honed a mind can be.

5. Give Up Grooming. Speaking of shaving, stop! Beards are in these days. They're the new black. Even my mother-in-law has one. And ladies, it's getting cold in the northern hemisphere, and you can spend the rest of November wearing jeans, slacks and even ski pants in order to hide your leg hair. And how much time do we waste in the shower? When I was a kid, I'd get a bath once a week whether I needed one or not. Some people find a lack of personal hygiene to be off-putting. In that case, they'll leave you alone, and you'll have more time alone to blog. "Ostracized" isn't a four-letter word, you know!

6. Stop Calling Your Mother. How much time do we spend calling friends, loved ones, even our mothers? That's precious time we could be blogging. Now I know mom was always there when we needed her to kiss that bruised knee, nurse us with homemade chicken soup when we were sick, type our thesis project the night before it was due. But she also made you eat liver and Lima beans, forced you to go to Church or Synagogue each week, and glared at you fiercely if you even grimaced when Auntie Mildred pinched your cheek. So I say, paybacks are a beach, mom. Lose the number, will you? Oh, and my laundry needs doing, okay?

So I've just given you six great ways to make more time for blogging. Try not to think of how much you could've written had you not wasted your time reading this! Get that blog fired up now!


A South Park Republican said...

Too funny! When I was working full time, in an office, I always had time to blog. Once I became a stay-at-home-mom my blogging time went right down the drain. Maybe I'll try giving up grooming this month to see if I can recoup some of that time.

Ribbon said...

Thanks for the suggestions!
Hope you're not taking your own advice :)

best wishes
Ribbon :)

Square Peg Guy said...

Thanks for your comments SPR, Ribbon!

When our daughter was little and my wife used to work weekends, I used to relish nap time. It would be the quickest forty-five of my day!

The post was in jest, but I do blog at work and sometimes skip my walk in order to squeeze in a vital post. And I don't shave on Saturdays.

Hopefully, my wife's health will improve or at least not get worse. Playing Mr Mom takes a lot out of me!

Sharnanigans said...

oh hello! thanks for visiting my blog - glad you did because this post just cracked me up majorly. I am with you. All of those things are overrated.
Where are you? (shall check later) but in Australia at present it is "Mo-vember" which gives all guys a great excuse to not shave - (it is charity to raise mens awareness for depression and prostate cancer) so there are hairy men everywhere, but I am guessing they are just serious bloggers.

Square Peg Guy said...

Thanks so much, Sharni! I'm in Northeast USA.

I went through a beard phase, but I still shaved part of it to keep it neat above the neckline. It was a hassle, but I'd do it again for a worthy cause!