Monday, March 30, 2009

Primates in the Locker Room

Men who are strangers don't talk to each other in the locker room. But that doesn't mean we don't communicate.

Our wordless language consists of various sighing, gasping, grunting noises.

We announce our entrance with a long drawn out "Pfffeeewwwwuuuuhgh." We mark our territory when we choose our locker. We drop the gym bag and sit with a short "ughhhh," usually emitted through the nose.

Reaching down to pull on our socks or shoes will require a sort of breathy grunt. We punctuate our presence with snorts or clearing of the throat, lest a competitor forget that we're there.

The more important we think we are, the louder and more frequent the noises. Long, dramatic yawns and burps come from those who would lead the tribe.

I wonder what the ladies do? Hum? Sigh? Or are they belching and grunting in a parallel universe? Might be a good question for an installment of Petra's He Blogs She Blogs.


rummuser said...

Fantastic Square Peg. You have made me nostalgic for my old club's locker room for men!

Lynne said...

Us women doing something very bizarre...we say "hello" and smile at each other:)

I hear you grunting fellas while you life weights too...actually, I have heard a few women do that too...but they are the super buff babes:)

Have a fun filled grunting day:)

Square Peg Guy said...

Hey rummuser:

It's nice to have a place where you know you don't have to make small talk!

Thanks for commenting!

Square Peg Guy said...

Hi Lynne:

Wow that is very bizarre! Smiling and saying hello is totally inappropriate behavior for the men's locker room. It could lead to aggression! :)

Thanks for commenting!

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk said...

I go to the local Y and don't use the locker room, but I do notice it's mostly the guys who will grunt and groan using weights. Not too often, though. The Y once posted an article saying it reduces one's effectiveness. Most of us laugh when someone does it...they're clearly looking for attention.

Thanks for the post. It brought a smile here.

Tirsden Frozenrayn said...

I recently read an article on transgender advice about using the men's restroom that totally shocked me. Your interesting look into locker-room lifestyle pretty much confirms it. So... men are so sexually insecure that they cannot make eye contact in the locker room (or especially the restroom) or they will be labelled gay and most likely beat up?? ......sad.

Meanwhile, teh womens chat. Even in the bathroom. Sometimes while doing business for gods and country if the person in the next stall is familiar. I wonder how that sounds to the other gender? xD

Oh, and I found it funny guys apparently don't form lines. They just mill around. Women form lines. It's less... umm... goofy/stressful? And more practical. ^^

Square Peg Guy said...

Hi Tirsden:

Men in health clubs wouldn't beat up anyone. But guys in public restrooms in certain places, or teenage boys in locker rooms in junior high schools, are a different story.

Two guys might "chat" if they see each other often enough at the gym. It might go like this:

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Not bad. Yourself?"

"Pretty good. Can't stand this cold weather, though."

"Yeah I know. I wouldn't mind an earlier summer."


Thanks for commenting!

Square Peg Guy said...

Hi Jean:

I'm glad I'm not the only one who pays attention to it!

Thanks for commenting!