Quiz: Original Characters

Here's a modified version of the "original characters quiz," which I stole from the Internet. Feel free to steal it!

List 12 characters you like from popular fiction, movies, video games, etc:

1. Kathryn Janeway (Captain on Star Trek Voyager)
2. Q (Omnipotent Alien Being on Star Trek TNG)
3. Calvin (Cartoon Character in Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Waterson)
4. Arthur Dent (Our Hero from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
5. Marvin (Depressed Robot from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
6. Sam Vimes (Head of the Ankh-Morpork Night Watch in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series of books)
7. Granny Weatherwax (Very powerful witch know to use "headology" in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series of books)
8. Charlotte (Wilbur's Friend)
9. Speed Racer
10. Ace (Doctor Who Companion)
11. Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
12. Harpo Marx

1. Who would make a better college professor, 6 or 11? What subjects would they teach?

Belle isn't a mindless beauty. She enjoys reading and probably learned a lot from her father, the inventor. And Sam Vimes doesn't like being cooped up indoors for too long. He prefers walking the streets and mucking about with the dregs of society. I'd go with Belle as a Professor of English Literature.


2. Do you think 2 is hot? How hot?

Well, if I were on the other team, I would say he definitely is very hot. I wouldn't hesitate to give it up to the omnipotent Q.


3. 12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?

A man who prefers to toot a horn rather than talk sends a spider on a mission and you want to know what it might be and whether it succeeds? Well, maybe it does succeed. If Charlotte can save a pig from the slaughterhouse and then go on to lay over 500 eggs, she could probably decipher Harpo's tootings and carry out his mission. What mission?


4. What is or would be 9's favorite book?

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5. Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?

I'm afraid neither would work out. Q of course thinks humans are an inferior species. And Sam is his own man.


6. For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should he share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?

It's hard to imagine Marvin owning or renting a studio apartment. Setting aside the incongruity of it, he'd be better off with Doctor Who's companion Ace rather than Speed Racer. Time Lords can be difficult to fathom. So can Marvin, once you get past his brutal despondency.


7. 2, 7 and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?

Q, Granny Weatherwax and Harpo Marx dine together? Really? Well, all I can imagine is that Q has planted the figment of an elaborate feast into the minds of his dining partners. But Granny can see through the illusion and refuses to participate. Miffed, Q decides to have fun with Harpo, turning his buttery corn-on-the-cob into a dried out pine cone. In retaliation, Harpo upends a bowl of salad onto Q's head. But the salad turns into a swarm of grasshoppers that form a laughing face in mid air and mocks Harpo. All he can do is laugh affably and blow his horn.


8. 3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?

Calvin wields his wooden sword, which he made hastily from the stakes the snow plow man used to demark his family driveway. Ace has met far more lethal adversaries. Although she could choose to counter with her trusty baseball bat, or pull from her backpack an explosive device, she finds Calvin irresistibly (and disarmingly) cute. Calvin raises his sword.... Just then his mother lets out a blood-curdling scream. She has just discovered the Brussel sprouts that Calvin tucked into his pants pockets at dinner time yesterday. He drops his sword and runs to hide. As Ace turns to go, Calvin's tiger Hobbes lunges, knocking Ace down and tearing her neck asunder with ferocity. Hobbes drags Ace's limp body to Calvin's room. The body undergoes a strange transformation -- it turns into Suzi's favorite Barbie doll, but with the head broken off. How will Calvin explain that, I wonder?


9. If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would s/he get it back?

Aside from her own life, Charlotte's most precious possession probably is Wilbur's trust and friendship. As Janeway savors her bacon and egg breakfast, she is thoroughly unaware of the spider lowering itself from directly above, seeking vengeance. She drops, burrows deeply inside Janeway's ear and bites.


10. Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.

Granny Weatherwax and Harpo Marx would be characters in the story, "On the Fringe."


11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?

Well, it's that Life, the Universe and Everything thing, and the Question is somehow lodged in Arthur Dent's brain, the final frontier as it were. Janeway needs something fun to do while attempting to guide her ship and crew back to Earth, so she decides to get Arthur drunk, thinking the Question will just flow out of him. But she hasn't had a man since the Star Date was denoted with Roman numerals. And with Arthur's failure to hook up with Trillian, he's vulnerable. Besides, Janeway isn't too bad looking, especially as seen through the eyes of an unsober man, and she's pretty intelligent, kind of how Trillian was. They hit it off, a bit clumsily.


12. If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?

I would certainly be very respectful of Granny Weatherwax. Only a complete fool would cross a witch. I have no idea what she'd think of me, but I'm sure she'd enjoy brushing the dog. And tea would be consumed.


13. If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?

Of course I would ask Calvin to make a clone of me. Then I'd send the clone to work and spend all my free time writing strange blog posts. But then the clone would become indignant about having to work for me, and he'd rush home before me and eat my supper. Realizing I'm better off without him, I'd then ask Calvin to send me back in time with his time machine, so that I could warn myself not to make the clone of me. But I don't get there in time, and now there are three of me. There's nothing left to do but use the Transmorgifier.... I can't bear to watch. I just hope Calvin aims at the right versions of me. (This sounds like it was written for Corrupted Wish. But it wasn't.)


14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?

No, I doubt it.


15. If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?

Q would definitely choose Marvin over the human, Arthur Dent.


16. What might 10 shout while charging into battle?

"I'm gonna blow their brains out!"


17. If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?

It's hard to imagine a Charlotte theme song that didn't actually come from the original movie. Perhaps Louis Armstrong's, "What A Wonderful World".


18. 1, 6, and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?

Sam Vimes' manners would get in the way, and he would defer to Katherine Janeway. But Harpo would put his leg into Janeway's hand. Taken aback, she would be distracted from the pancake long enough for Harpo to get it.


19. What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?

Q might say to Ace, "As humans go, you are one of the most barbaric, but somehow you aren't quite as pathetic.


20. What would 5 most likely be arrested for?

Marvin might need to be arrested for causing mass suicides.


21. What is 6's secret?

Gruff and tough Sam Vines enjoys wearing frilly lingerie.


22. If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?

What, are you kidding? Speed Racer and Belle in a race? Come on. Belle would get there first even before Speed Racer managed to hop in his Mark V. Using her imagination, of course.


23. If you had to walk home through a bad neighbourhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?

The choice is between Charlotte and Granny Weatherwax. I'd be afraid of stepping on Charlotte. And Granny, in a pinch, could instantly give any hoodlum an embarrassing case of diarrhea....


24. 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that he/she is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3 , who gives them what they need to complete their quest.

Translating from numbers: Katherine Janeway and Speed Racer reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by Arthur Dent's sinister secret organization. Belle volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that she is actually a spy for Arthur Dent. Meanwhile, Arthur Dent has kidnapped Harpo Marx in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of Marvin, they seek out Calvin, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fic?

The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

-Name one person who should write it.
Blake Edwards, director and co-writer of The Pink Panther series of comedy films.