Dream: A Trilogy of Dreams

Dream: A Stairwell I Dislike

I’m in an apartment building; maybe I live there, or maybe I’m touring it to perhaps live there.

I enter a stairwell, expecting that I can get out on an upper level (higher level).  However, the only way out is on the ground floor where I entered it.  I express a dislike of the stairwell.

I leave the building, holding a 32 ounce box container of soup and pulling a piece of carry-on luggage on wheels.  The ground has patches of ice due to snow left over from earlier in the year.  I decide to walk from this city to my town that’s two towns to the West.  The luggage is a bit difficult to pull, and the box of soup is leaking slightly.

Dream: In the Backyard With Canines and Snakes

Now I’m in the backyard of the place where I grew up.  There are wolves and wild dogs that are injured, so I’m not concerned that they’d attack me.  Instead I see one climb a large bush, while another climbs to the very top of a medium-sized, dead pine tree.  It has draped its body over the trunk that has broken off.  How can it tolerate the pressure of that broken wood on its stomach / chest, I wonder.

I turn to face the back of the house and start to walk toward it.  However there are large snakes in the branches of other trees that I have to walk under.  Again, I’m not concerned that the snakes will attack me.  They’re watching me but not moving.  It’s almost as if they’re movie props.  And these are not the biting venomous kind; rather they are a large, constricting type of snake, like a python.

Dream: My Familiar Wooded Hiking Area

I’ve been hiking my usual wooded hiking area that’s also slightly hilly.  There is a pond in the center that’s iced over and snow-covered.  I was with a group of people, including my wife, but now I’m leaving the area alone.  My cellphone distracts me with live coverage of this area, showing that someone or a dog was on the ice, which has broken, so the person or dog is in the water.  My impulse is to run back to the area.  But I hesitate because I don’t think the story is true.  If it were true, my wife would call me on the phone and tell me to come back. 

Wednesday Weigh-In 20251023

I am rarely hungry. Instead my disordered way of eating is ruled by sugar or carb cravings and a sense of deserving of a reward. It's difficult to keep my weight and size from growing.

Waist = 44.25"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20251014

I can eat very little during the day. But after supper, I just eat and eat and eat.

I've started to add chia seeds to my coffee and tea to provide myself with a sense of fullness. But that's not enough.

Waist = 44.0"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20251005

I'm encouraged to see that I've reduced my weight and waist size. But they're both too high.

Waist = 43.5"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250917

The days are getting shorter (based on daylight hours), the moon is waning and some plants are going dormant already. All of this triggers Seasonal Affective Disorder in me (SAD). Maybe I should reread my post on Mood Enhancers.

Waist = 43.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250911

Let us hold thoughts of peace today for the loved ones who were harmed 24 years ago today. In some sense, that's all of us.

Waist = 44.0"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wonderful Weirdos Day

Today is Wonderful Weirdos Day.

According to National Today, “Wonderful Weirdos Day is celebrated across America on September 9.” ¹

Why is it celebrated during an ordinary unit of time such as a day. Isn’t that boring and totally not weird? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to designate it as Wonderful Weirdos Nychthemeron? ^{2, 3}

¹ https://nationaltoday.com/wonderful-weirdos-day/

² https://english.stackexchange.com/a/595618

³ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nychthemeron

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250902

I'm losing hope that I'll get another job at the salary I was making at the beginning of the year. I had hoped to keep working for another eight years. In the mean time, I'm taking in weekly unemployment payments plus SNAP. Yet I'm burning through a lot of savings each month. I still need to apply for energy assistance and SAGA.

Waist = 43.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

The Hawk and the Crow

An image of a hawk in flight with a crow just above it showed up in my feed on a popular social media site yesterday. The text below it said,

“The crow is the only bird that dares to peck at the hawk, he sits on the hawk's back and bites it on its neck, but the hawk does not respond, nor does it fight the crow nor waste time on the crow. He just opens his wings and starts to rise high in the sky, the higher the flight, the harder it is to breathe up [sic] and then the crows fall due to lack of oxygen! Stop wasting your time with crows, just go to the heights yourself and they will disappear like that!!”

The post is supposed to be motivational. But it demonizes the crow. As well, all I could think of is how the crow was defending its nest against the hawk’s predation. There’s no other reason the crow would bother a hawk. If the crow were not there, we’d see the hawk with a baby crow in its talons.

The message I get is that if you go around causing trouble and making people’s lives difficult, you can escape retribution and get away guilt-free.

Image attribution:

Husky Mom on Pinterest, https://www.pinterest.com/pin/raven-in-2025--443745369554885955/

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250829

My scale didn't recognize me last week because I weighed so much. I'm serious!

It needs to know the user's height in order to calculate BMI. And to avoid entering it everytime, the user steps on the scale first to tell the scale what the user's weight is. The weight serves as a "user ID" of sorts. This makes it possible for everyone in the family to use the device without having to change the user setting. Dad is "180;" Mom is "140;" the teenage daughter is "110" for example.

But when it gets "190," it can't find a user height. In this case it doesn't calcuate BMI and defaults to showing just the weight.

Waist = 43.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250823

Just another weigh-in

Waist = 43.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250730

I'm creeping up again on the ominous 190lb mark. This is the most I've ever weighed. When I was approached 190 before, I got serious and limited my eating to keep the weight gain in check. But right now I don't really care.

Waist = 42.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250708

Just another weigh-in

Waist = 42.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250701

I've been treating myself to chocolate chips and/or ice cream after supper. And so my weight is increasing.

Last week my dose of Nuvigil doubled from a mere 50mg to 100mg. I noticed the effect within about 2.5 hours of the first dose. It made me more talkative. As well, over a few day period, I noticed that time is starting to drag.

I don't think I'd blame the increase in Nuvigil for my extra eating -- that's been happening for a long time. Tomorrow, I'll start at 150mg, which is considered the standard starting dose.

Waist = 42.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250610

I've been "between jobs" for a few weeks. And yet I'm so busy! I've been getting out of bed early every day. Today I got up at 5:30am; yesterday, 6:15am. But I can't seem to keep up with all I set out to do. It seems that each activity spreads forward in time if there's nothing to contain it, such as an appointment. It's up to me to constrain the duration of my tasks. All of this is why I don't apply to jobs that call for excellent time management skills.

Waist = 42.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250526

Just another weigh-in

Waist = 43.0"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250515

It turned out that fluid has filled the area vacated by the hernia surgery. I'm just as uncomfortable as before, but I've been assured this will go away in a month. I wonder why one month -- is there a 30-day warranty on the operation?

Waist = 42.5"
Height = 5' 7"
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References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Book Review: "My Bully, My Aunt, & Her Final Gift," Harold Phifer

This is a review of "My Bully, My Aunt, & Her Final Gift," by Harold Phifer.

This is a humorous account of the funeral of Aunt Kathy, the woman who raised the author.

The cast also includes the author’s older brother Jerry, who (unfairly) always got his aunt’s preferential treatment; the much younger brother, Thomas; and the mentally ill mother, with colorful and predictable ravings.

The story of the funeral itself is book-ended by the author’s recollections of his difficult childhood.  He’s treated unfairly by his Aunt Kathy, and I commiserated with him each time.  Yet the tone of the narration is more upbeat than bitter.  And the storytelling is smooth, fast-paced and laugh out loud funny in spots.

I was dismayed at first when I read the author’s bio, which says that he “bust tables.”  But then I decided to be less of a snob and just enjoy the book.  Which I did.

---

This review was posted to LibraryThing on 2025-05-12.  More reviews can be found here.  I received a free copy of this book in order to write this review.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250502

Here's the first weigh-in since the surgery

Waist = 42.5"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Post Op Brain Fog, or Self Abasement?

After Thursday’s surgery, I was advised to avoid making any important or legal decisions within 24 hours of the operation.  Is this because the anesthesia can cause cognitive impairment?  Or is it because the patient can be easily manipulated?

I think both are true.  

I’m old and recently laid off, so naturally I wonder if I can get a good-paying job in my technology-dense field.  So I began to fall victim to my negative self-talk.  On the second day after the surgery, I felt hopeless and despondent about ever recovering financially or cognitively.  It’s as if my darker side began to take advantage of my vulnerable state.  Fortunately I’m climbing out of that well of despair.  And as an added boost I just came across this Psychology Today article, which should help: “Rewire Your Brain and Create a Kinder Inner Dialogue”¹.

I’ve been taking an online course, but I haven’t noticed any degradation in my thought process.  Then again, my thought process wasn’t so great to start with!

---

¹https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/everyday-resilience/202504/rewire-your-brain-and-create-a-kinder-inner-dialogue

Hernia Surgery -- Finally!

I went through outpatient surgery yesterday to repair a double inguinal hernia.

I was surprised by my doctor's advice about lifting heavy objects.  I expected the weight limit to be 16 ounces (or 12 ounces as my cousin said while pretending to quaff a beer).  But no, my limit was 15 lbs!  That's a good surprise.

Another good surprise was that I didn't have any trouble lifting my legs or taking a deep breath.  I was especially concerned about the latter.

Another surprise, not so good, was that the Percocet caused hiccups.  The first episode began about 90 minutes after the first dose.  The experience was so disturbing that I decided not to take anymore.  Hiccups recurred about seven and a half hours after, waking me and keeping me awake from about 1:30 to 4:30 this morning.  Sometimes I'd have a "double hic" -- two in quick succession.  I found a paper online that said a 5mg dose of baclofen helped get rid of hiccups in a 64 year old patient.¹  I cut one of my wife's 10mg pills in half, took it, and was able to get to sleep about 20 minutes later.  So I found that to be true in my case, too.

The surgery involved a robotic laparoscopic device, and the procedure required inflating my abdomen with air.  Unfortunately, someone left the air inside!  My waist measures one inch more, but it's so firm that I walk around with my pants wide open and the belt loosened three inches.  I wear a hoodie to cover the indecency.

But aside from the bloating, I get pretty good pain control by alternating 1000mg Tylenol and 600mg Ibuprofen every 4 to 6 hours.  So I'm getting by without an opioid.

---

¹https://doi.org/10.1080/15360288.2022.2157070

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250422

I've stopped exercising and starting eating sweets right after supper. Hence the increase in the numbers. I'm surprised they aren't higher!

Waist = 42.0"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250404

Some of the January Weigh-Ins don't include the body fat percentage. It's not that I'm ashamed to reveal that information. Rather it's a quirk of the Body Composition Bath Scale that I use. The device uses weight as an index to the user's parameters. I had lost enough weight since I configured the scale that it didn't find my parameters!

Waist = 41.25"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Only 56

“But She’s Only 56 Years Old!” exclaimed the doctor.

I had just told him that my wife’s wishes are Do Not Resuscitate, and I requested just comfort measures in the ER.  I described the many years of chronic pain that she suffered for more than a decade.

My wife is one of many civilian casualties in the war on drugs.

As activity on my wife continued (vital signs, full body CT scan, blood tests, health insurance network and benefits), I pondered the doctor’s comment.  How old should a patient be for a doctor to not respond that way?  What’s the implicit minimum age requirement for a DNR?

My guess is if a person has reached the life expectancy for his or her demographic, the request would draw little reaction.

“But she’s only 82 Years Old!”¹ would be a strange response to a DNR order, for example.  But why?  Do we think it’s a waste of time and effort to take heroic measures if she’s supposed to be dead about now anyway?  No, that’s not it.  What matters more is the likelihood of an 82 year old woman surviving the procedure.

A decision on life-saving measures could be made based on the patient’s Apparent Age, or how old a patient looks.  If a patient appears to be 10 or more years older than he or she really is, it’s likely that it indicates poor health.² So if my wife looked 66, perhaps the doctor wouldn’t have reacted with such conviction.

---

¹ Life expectancy for a woman living in the USA is about 82 according to https://www.worldometers.info/demographics/life-expectancy/

² https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3019310/

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250219

Just another Weigh-In...

Waist = 40.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250131

Just another Weigh-In.... Unfortunately, the Percent Body Fat is not working today.

Waist = 40.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250127

Just another Weigh-In.... Unfortunately, the Percent Body Fat is not working today.

Waist = 40.75"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250120

Just another Weigh-In...

Waist = 41"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250116

Just another Weigh-In...

Waist = 41"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250113

Just another Weigh-In...

Waist = 41"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.

Wednesday Weigh-In 20250106

Just another Weigh-In...

Waist = 41"
Height = 5' 7"

References:

1. Wikipedia BMI page
2. Balance Body Composition Bath Scale
3. Javascript must be enabled to view the data.