The Twinkie Crisis

Hostess Brands, maker of the Twinkie, threatens to close all operations.  It's understandable that fans of this iconic American dessert treat are worried and upset.  But I have a feeling that it will all work out.

First, I'm pretty sure we'll see Congressional action into the matter.  Lawmakers are already drawing up legislation that would impose emergency rationing. 

Then, right after they avert the Fiscal Cliff, Congress will move with bipartisan support to get the striking workers back into those plants.  That's if Obama doesn't act first with an Executive Order.

Congress also has the option of tapping into the country's Strategic Reserves.  They may decide to release 100,000 barrels of Twinkies each day to avert catastrophe.

Remember, too, that we have a large supply of Twinkies in thousands of long-forgotten bomb shelters.  They may have been made in the mid-fifties, but those Twinkies will still be as delicious as those that came off the assembly line just before the strike started.  According to a well-known study, the Twinkie is virtually indestructible¹ -- the ideal food for a bomb shelter.

Finally, there's the hidden stash of Twinkies that Paula Poundstone hoards.  I'm sure we can convince her to relinquish the supply, which is expected to provide for our nation's demand for Twinkies up to 2052.  This will require intense negotiations, of course.  Officials have commented that it will probably require a swap of three boxes of Poptarts for every Twinkie.  Kellogg Corp has already begun hiring extra workers to prepare for a ramp up in Poptart production necessary to meet this need.

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¹ See http://twinkiesproject.com/ .